Dear Adam Young,

Hi, my name is louisa. I'm in between graduating high school and going to college.

I want you to know, that every blog you've posted since "You Had Me At Hello" even through the latest update about making new music, they all entirely fit what is going on in my life and how I've been feeling. Like, not only as a collective feeling, but also as you posted a new blog, that was where I was in my life! Which is exciting to think about, because it means I'm not alone. It gives me hope :)

With the latest scoop on new music. I know EXACTLY what you mean about hearing it in your head, and wanting to let people hear it that way, but instead, picking apart the sound and creating it first. I feel like I'm in the same spot, writing music more steadily now and hearing it in my head, but for me I don't have analog equipment, so I do everything with VSTs on my dell laptop. After all the time I put onto it, I start to get lonely. Does it ever bother you that the time it takes to create music is spent without much interaction with the rest of the world? I work for my parents, who own a shipping franchise, and I would rather spend that time doing something I could pour my heart and soul into like making music -- even though I know what I do for my job is important, and people need to get their shipments on time and undamaged.
Part of me feels like I can't meet my social needs if I'm working and doing music, but if I choose to fill those needs, music has to drop out of the picture (it's happened, and I hate the end result). And at the moment Im definitely not in the position to quit my job. Groceries are important, you know?

How did you create music when you had a job at UPS? Did you hang out with your friends often? Was it sometimes annoying to work on a song for so long, but you knew it wouldn't get done well if you didn't finish? When did you finally quit your job? How long were you playing local shows for? I want to know your story,
because I feel like I aready know a lot of you from your songs (you do a good job with putting your raw self out there ;) ). So what is your story?

Louisa

class

so i think i've got separation anxiety for my summer classes. Mainly because i love my Book of Mormon class and the University Chorale. tomorrow is the last day for both and i cannot concentrate on my paper at ALL.

Also, you know those days where you pray for something really really hard and you think it's exactly what you need, but the Lord doesn't think so and He makes sure you go without it?

This is one of those days.

Guhhhhhhhhhh

Shedding Tears

i haven't really cried since 8th grade. i balled that november, it was terrible. since then, i haven't cried much. like, i'll tear up, but few tears would fall. for me it was frustrating.

a lot has happened leading up to this, like letting go, the good kind. but i've cried more since i got here than i have in the last four year. it's such a relief

love ya

see you soon

Hear (Their Battle Cries)

this is the moment

this is the rising sun

you are the only one

this is the mountain

that you've been coming down

off of the higher ground

don't say that it's over and gone and that no one will hear

cuz it's all bad enough that you're here and you don't know your fears

and i can't see your eyes anymore

it's not that i don't try anymore

and i don't believe my eyes

but i can't live in this lie

When it hits midnight

then it's your hardest time

you're not alone tonight

this is the crisis

here, people live and die

come hear their battle cries!

i know it's not over and gone, i know someone will hear

i know it's not easy to fake it with everyone here

but i can't see your eyes anymore

it's not that i don't try anymore

and i don't believe my eyes

and i can't live in this lie

believe me, i'm tellin you

this crisis is hardly through

i know that it's been on your mind

i heard you slept last night and all today

but the sleep won't make this go away

i know cuz i was there last year

and i can't see your eyes anymore

it's not that i don't try anymore

i don't believe my eyes

i can't live in this lie

i know that you're not fine anymore

This is the moment.

This is the Rising Sun.

You are the only one.

Flowers to the Sea

"Death will come for all of us but let us fight to live." - Jamie Tworkowski

http://twloha.tumblr.com/post/720164174/flowers-to-the-sea

So today i was having kind of a weird time adjusting/fitting in with the other summer freshman at BYU. i knew i should go be a part of the big events going on, but i really didn't even try the dance. anyways, i came home and read an email from an elder i know (it was to his family and they put it on facebook) from home. he just had a transfer after being a branch president for a newly created branch. Here's what he said, "I can`t believe that I`m not in Chivay anymore, but I`m excited to be here in Ilo and Moquegua because I know that is the Lord`s will! It`s going to be a great change because I already know my companion, Elder Limas, and he`s great! We`re already great friends! And the other missionaries seem great as well! I`m excited to work from them! It`s definitely weird changing my focus from Branch President and members, to Zone Leader and missionaries! But I think I can handle it. haha! I love you all and appreciate your daily prayers! Thank you!"

Now here is what I heard, "I can`t believe that I`m not in [Green Bay] anymore, but I`m excited to be here in [Provo at BYU] because I know that is the Lord`s will! It`s going to be a great change because I already know my [roommate], [Amanda], and [she's] great! We`re already great friends! And the other [roommates] seem great as well! I`m excited to work from them! It`s definitely weird changing my focus from [Laurels] President and members, to [College] and [grades]! But I think I can handle it. haha! I love you all and appreciate your daily prayers! Thank you! "

For you or you friends

For you or your friends. Dude, sometimes you just need to be reminded...

...even if it is by a 33 year old ;)

The List

So in Young Womens class at Church, we are from time to time asked to make a list of what we're looking for in a future husband. These lists usually contain things like "Temple Worthy", "Return Missionary", "Patient" and so on. My list has things like, "can take a joke, peaceful, can sing and/or play an instrument". But today i added one.

you should ask me about JJ. He's a middle school teacher who turned 50 last year. He's not whipped, but he loves his wife, and you can see it all the time. i remember sitting in class (8th grade) and he would say things like, "i don't know why she married me" or "She's so out of my league" Then he'd tell stories of his family and you'd get the idea that they actually have it together. It's not just a one way thing, they take care of each other.

i met his wife a few days ago and it all clicked. There are very few relationships i've seen like that with people who aren't LDS. But these people glow when you see them. it's awesome. So i've added to my list that whoever i marry has to treat me like JJ treats his wife.

this is so weird

of all my tight friends in high school all of them..

what am i talking about, they're all in band.

i think thats awesome.

Back in February (in the midst of the musical, AND show choir practicing for solo and ensemble) i wrote a letter to my choir teacher asking him to not compare us to the other show choir that actually competes and plain old just has more than us. I wrote "When you compare us to (unamedSC), it kills us." apparently when he read that, he had a "bearing of the soul" sesh. with the band director, whom we frequently call Momma. That was back in February, and soon after, Show Choir had a performance with the Unnamed show choir. Before hand Momma gave us a talk and explained that there were some underground vibes going around about how, "Mr. B doesn't love us as much as he loved teaching at North school... Well he doesn't. He believes in you like nobody else." I was so glad to hear that. i forgot about it for a while until just yesterday.

i was talking to Momma during lunch and it came up how one time she had to talk Mr. B out of going back to elementary school.

This really. really. really. bothered me.

really. Especially because i remember him saying all the time last year, "Man! i LOVE teaching high school."

That's pretty much all i learned about his response to the letter (oh, did i tell you i didn't sign it and he totally thought it was some other people?). so i couldn't get it off my mind. today during lunch (and a few other hours) i was down in the band room, and somewhere along the way i told Momma that it was me who wrote that letter. She was surprised, and i told her that since yesterday i couldn't stop thinking about it. She asked me if i felt better, and i said yes, only because i thought the feeling would kick in later. well it didn't. i just sat around in her office until 7th hour. Momma teaches the 8th hour Music theory class. and we just reviewed for something today. but then AFTER the bell rang i told her that after i talked to her 5th hour, i just felt worser and worser about it. She gave the obvious advice and said i needed to tell Mr. B. This terrified me. but she helped me figure out how to start it off (i really needed it, i was brain fried). when he got back to his room, he knew something was up and initiated the conversation. Thank Goodness. so we talked and i let him know there was a LOT. (i mean a lot) of stress/hurt/scars/underlying extreme dislike for North high school after growing up where North IS everyone else and they have everything else. It's also Mr. B's alma mater. but according to him, they defffff weren't as good as they are now. phew. i think he got most of what i was trying to say. idk if i was apologizing for writing it, or apologizing for iF i hurt him at all. i think that's how i feel.

clueless.

oh yeah, he didn't quite know how to end the convo. but that's ok. i got a hug from Momma afterwards and that helped a lot. (also got hugs from both at the music banquet tonight) i still kinda feel like i did earlier today and i don't know why tho.

i don't know how i'm going to survive at college without music Momma and Poppa around college. or my bff band/choir buddies. they're my best friends, moreso than anyone at church (figure that one out?)

i really don't know why i still feel like i did earlier today. maybe it's pre-separation anxiety.

ugh.

If My Life Was A Show On Broadway

If my life was a show on Broadway

I think everyone would leave

Cuz that's what I did at the dance hall

When people weren't looking at me

He bought my ticket

I drove us there

and the only reason i went

he asked me to

ten minutes before

and for anyone else i'd refuse

If my life was a show on Broadway

I think I would play the star

because so far there's only one other guy

who knows us for who we are

And even on

my darkest days

He lets me know he's around

So I ask him to stay

and we make plans

to leave what's important around

If my life were a show on Broadway

i'd give the groom-to-be

the perfect cue

and he'd fall in love with me,

get down on one knee,

and say, "Please, would you marry me?"

Sacrifice

Today in a lesson we talked about sacrifice. We went through and talked about the generic ten percent tithing given to the church (i'm LDS, by the way, aka Mormon). About the extra time given to church callings and getting up every morning an hour earlier to attend a religion class. Or giving up two years to go do missionary work and teach people about Christ. Yes these are great sacrifices, but it only hit me later tonight.

Every month the Bishop, his counselors, and the youth meet in someone's home and have a discussion, without parents or other youth leaders around. It's really inviting. One of the Bishop's counselors - Drew- was leading the discussion tonight, and as a side comment, trying to get everyone to quiet down and focus for a while, he said that he was here on a break from work.

Let me tell you a little about Drew. His is the head sports anchor for a local network. He's very busy all the time, but mostly during football season. And being in Green Bay, and Brett Favre playing the Saints tonight, it's been kind of a big day.

This is something that I had known before, but it's definitely more poignant now. Every Wednesday, so that he could come to the youth group activities, he doesn't take a lunch or other break. This gives him the 1 hour + travel time to get to church, lead some of the activities/teach, then go back to work and give the evening sports wrap up. This blows me away. i wish the other youth understood how much our leaders care about us. i think they did tonight. It was so awesome tonight to hear them bare witness of the Gospel and the love Christ has for us - the love our parents have for us.

I wish all my friends could have this miracle, i just don't know how to bring it up. There is so much waiting for them.

I know without a doubt Christ is the Savior of the world. I know He loves more than we know. He knows us all by name and looks out for us. He died that we can return. I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God. He restored the Truth of the Gospel and translated the Book of Mormon so that we know how to return home to our Father in Heaven. God has a plan for you. This is the Truth

Mulholland Street (revision)

And in this weather, my skin turns snow white
And here tonight, I'll try and rest my eyes
But I cant, get you out, of my mind.
cuz you said,
"No amount of anything
could fill the hole she left in me"
But I just want to help you
get back home.

And since the winter, stays here half the year
I think there's time to build, a fire and burn my fears
Cuz i hate the cold, but I need, to stay here.

Yes, I know, winter isn't all the pain.
Summer has it's pouring rain
I lived it all and then you
went away.

Maybe I'll drive south, down to Illinois
Where corn is twice my size, the Mississippi makes all the noise
But time won't stop, for you, or me.
Maybe just the least of these
Could win it all in front of me
Well then i better, hurry up, and
follow their lead.

And i walked down

Mulholland Street again

but this time, there was

no one to hold my hand

the Mississippi sun

can't hide all what i've done

but now

i can sleep

without unrest.

Maybe its the least of these
who end up getting everything
I better, hurry up, and follow their lead

yes, I better, hurry up, and follow their lead

No Day But Today, or Ten Years From Now

...That David and Goliath gap between Preble and East

Well, David must still be heardin' the sheep. It'll be at least a few years.

I feel almost as lame as I did the night/week after the drum battle.

catch up! Thurs. Jan 7, 2010

Thoughts while watching my brother play Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

__________________

I wonder if dragons beathing fire actually sound like a flamethrower.

This monster was in the last Zelda game - different timeline, so even in this timeline, this dragon isn't supposed to exist for another couple hundred year.

"You got the Master Sword... again!" - If you know where that quote is from, and you know how the Zelda timeline actually works, you'll know that this statement could not be true, because in Four Swords, the Master Sword breaks, leaving a ton of other games to be completed without it.

I wish I had a sky canon.

They better make another Zelda game that corresponds with Majora's Mask. I like that one, except for the aliens taking the cows.

catch up! Wed. Jan 6, 2010

i know, i messed up. BUT I DID WRITE EVERYDAY. Here are the last few days in order:

____________

Wed. Jan 6, 2010

Hold down my hands

cuz you're holdin my heart

i've got enough on my mind

that i don't need to start

thinkin about

what you always will say

how you think you've changed

and that you'll see me around

contention

not good.

not cool.

don't lose it.

you got it.

don't want it.

don't prove it.

try to do try to run try to hide try to burn

try to fix try to mend try to make up for the lost

hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooold it!

that's not good

"Some how the Kings of Leon still find time to write songs about girls"

can't write the same thing over and over again.

let's start over.

Let's be honest.

I need to do work.

Things to fix:

Scripture study before doing homework - it's the only way I can concentrate.

Writing music - i don't know where to fit it in with drumline and musical coming up.

Spanish is a sweet language - I want to learn...

But i'm definitely working on scripture study (and journal writing!)

write everyday #2

This is not the oldest fable you've heard

so why are you still straining your ears

i told the truth, 'cause it really truly was

The Father and His Son

giving all they had

to heal the rest of us.

And in this weather, my skin turns snow white
And here tonight, I'll try and rest my eyes
But I cant, get you out, of my mind.
cuz you said,
"No amount of anything
could fill the hole she left in me"
But I just want to help you
get back home.

And since the winter, stays here half the year
I think there's time to build, a fire and burn my fears
Cuz i hate the cold, but I need, to stay here.
I know, winter isn't all the pain.
Summer has it's pouring rain
I lived it all and then you
went away.

Maybe I'll drive south, down to Illinois
Where corn is twice my size, and Mississippi makes all the noise
But time won't stop, for you, or me.
Maybe just the least of these
Could win it all in front of me
Well then i better, hurry up, and
follow their lead.

This may sound crazy but I want to come back home
that's it I said it now I'm sailing off
to Neverland and then Japan

I took the fire escape and made it out alive
Yeah I still burn from time to time but I've
a healing hand against my side

Maybe its the least of these
who end up getting everything
I better, hurry up, and follow their lead