what am i talking about, they're all in band.
i think thats awesome.
Back in February (in the midst of the musical, AND show choir practicing for solo and ensemble) i wrote a letter to my choir teacher asking him to not compare us to the other show choir that actually competes and plain old just has more than us. I wrote "When you compare us to (unamedSC), it kills us." apparently when he read that, he had a "bearing of the soul" sesh. with the band director, whom we frequently call Momma. That was back in February, and soon after, Show Choir had a performance with the Unnamed show choir. Before hand Momma gave us a talk and explained that there were some underground vibes going around about how, "Mr. B doesn't love us as much as he loved teaching at North school... Well he doesn't. He believes in you like nobody else." I was so glad to hear that. i forgot about it for a while until just yesterday.
i was talking to Momma during lunch and it came up how one time she had to talk Mr. B out of going back to elementary school.
This really. really. really. bothered me.
really. Especially because i remember him saying all the time last year, "Man! i LOVE teaching high school."
That's pretty much all i learned about his response to the letter (oh, did i tell you i didn't sign it and he totally thought it was some other people?). so i couldn't get it off my mind. today during lunch (and a few other hours) i was down in the band room, and somewhere along the way i told Momma that it was me who wrote that letter. She was surprised, and i told her that since yesterday i couldn't stop thinking about it. She asked me if i felt better, and i said yes, only because i thought the feeling would kick in later. well it didn't. i just sat around in her office until 7th hour. Momma teaches the 8th hour Music theory class. and we just reviewed for something today. but then AFTER the bell rang i told her that after i talked to her 5th hour, i just felt worser and worser about it. She gave the obvious advice and said i needed to tell Mr. B. This terrified me. but she helped me figure out how to start it off (i really needed it, i was brain fried). when he got back to his room, he knew something was up and initiated the conversation. Thank Goodness. so we talked and i let him know there was a LOT. (i mean a lot) of stress/hurt/scars/underlying extreme dislike for North high school after growing up where North IS everyone else and they have everything else. It's also Mr. B's alma mater. but according to him, they defffff weren't as good as they are now. phew. i think he got most of what i was trying to say. idk if i was apologizing for writing it, or apologizing for iF i hurt him at all. i think that's how i feel.
clueless.
oh yeah, he didn't quite know how to end the convo. but that's ok. i got a hug from Momma afterwards and that helped a lot. (also got hugs from both at the music banquet tonight) i still kinda feel like i did earlier today and i don't know why tho.
i don't know how i'm going to survive at college without music Momma and Poppa around college. or my bff band/choir buddies. they're my best friends, moreso than anyone at church (figure that one out?)
i really don't know why i still feel like i did earlier today. maybe it's pre-separation anxiety.
ugh.
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